New and improved pain chart

OK, so I was looking at the links on gofugyourself today, and they linked to this cartoon about sandwiches on a website called Hyperbole and a Half. It was very funny, so I started looking around the site and came across a post that includes a new and improved version of the pain chart I've had to fill out countless times, at various neurology, chronic pain, sleep clinic, podiatry, and general practitioner's offices. I cannot tell you how much I hate that chart. Oh, wait, maybe I can - I HATE IT A WHOLE LOT! Though, perhaps, not as much as the actual pain (usually). You should check out the post for the normal pain chart, and Allie's very amusing explanation of it. Below, I've included just the pictures for Allie's version, which I think is much more apt. Again, you should consult her website for full explanations.

In my experience, when I'm at the doctor's office, I'm usually somewhere between 3) "This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all" and 4) "My pain is not fucking around." But, I probably made the appointment because I was at 5) "Why is this happening to me??" or 6) "Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now." (I would actually switch those, as the, "WHY, GOD - WHY, ME?!?!?" usually kicks in well after the "No, really - OW!" for me.)

Can you find those on the normal chart? And, if *any* of them apply, do you really think the most humane thing to do is to have me fill out a stupid smiley/pain face chart?!