daunting

While I do, quite often, fret about my abilities as an academic. I still basically believe that, barring massive pain, and provided I just get my act together, I am perfectly capable of doing the work that needs doing. I don't doubt my abilities; I just sometimes questions my motivation, or the soundness of my body (or on rare occasions, my mind).

I am sometimes much less confident in my ability to do normal things, like make makeup do what I want it to do, especially if I want it to do something beyond basic "looking ok." Like "looking vaguely Cleopatra-esque." So this will be an adventure tomorrow. The pieces on that tray will all be involved, in some fashion, in my Cleopatra-esque look for tomorrow night's murder mystery dinner. Some makeup, some jewelry, some of the things that will help the makeup get put on, stay put, or come off.

Not pictured are my non-costume (I don't have the energy right now for that) and my sense of dread about what a long day I'm going to have tomorrow. It's a day with fun things in it (watching Buffy with at least one friend, maybe more, then going to full the aforementioned murder mystery dinner with more friends), but a long day nonetheless. I'll be leaving home a little before noon and won't get home until sometime after dinner, and I'm honestly a little worried about my ability to make it through without getting a migraine. There will be a walk for exercise, a train ride, a few episodes of Buffy, another, shorter train rider, another short walk, dinner and a murder in the presence of friends, but also in the presence of a cat to whom I am *extremely* allergic, and then a ride home, by which point I will probably be trying very hard not to fall asleep in the car.

I expect to enjoy things tomorrow, and I look forward to seeing friends, but my goals are really to regulate as much pain as possible, to avoid getting grumpy with people (which happens when I'm in pain and when I'm tired), and to strike the right balance of medicated enough to breathe and conscious enough to participate and perhaps even have fun.

Oh, and to figure out the makeup. I obviously missed that day in girl training.